I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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