ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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