my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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