You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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