wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
