I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
