Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
