i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
