I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
