Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize