I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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