My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
