i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
