If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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