I can tuck mytits in my pants
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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