I think my vagina is haunted
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
