WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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