You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
