The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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