It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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