maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
