Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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