we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
