i jhust puked up my retainher.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
