i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
