I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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