the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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