Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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