You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
