I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
