I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize