Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
