Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
