wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
