we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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