im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
