I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
