So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
