do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
