im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
