Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently you make a good broom.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
