she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize