youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
