im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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