I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
