My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
