last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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