Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
