May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
