i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
