none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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