i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
