you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize