Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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