I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
