Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
