i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
