I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
