So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize