His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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