I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
