Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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