We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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