Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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