A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize