She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
