Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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