physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
