My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
