I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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