WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
