the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
