3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
