I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
