There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
