i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
