I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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