I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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