I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
