This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
