at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
