How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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