Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize