so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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