so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
