i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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