i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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