at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
