When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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