I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
