Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
