Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
