i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
