Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
