When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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