Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
