C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize