i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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