im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
