Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
