I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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