Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
