After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She needs sedatives and a leash
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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