I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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