It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
