probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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