how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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