I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
